How I Became Part of the Whole


“When I first began to study yoga I thought that samadhi was a trancelike state which would take the practitioner away from everyday consciousness to a better state of being. Over the years, my understanding has changed. Now I think of samadhi as exactly the opposite of a trance. Samadhi is a state of being intensely present without a point of view. In other words, in samadhi you perceive all points of view of reality at once, without focusing on any particular one.” – Judith Lasater

Samadhi is often defined as enlightenment or the highest state of consciousness. In its illusiveness, it is the 8th and final limb of the yogic system. There are many variations and explanations of its meaning – a state of bliss, communion with God, union with the ultimate reality… In the end, I have concluded that it is a most personal experience. You receive your samadhi based on what it is that you most seek…

Here is the story of my enlightenment:

It took me quite unawares. I was nearly finished with my yoga teacher training and had three intensive workshops under my belt. Looking back, that particular weekend was unique. It was when I came into contact with Goswami Kriyananda – the bright eyed guru who exuded compassion and emanated wisdom. He gave a wonderful discourse on karma and his gentle spirit was contagious. All in all, it was an inspiring time and I was open to soaking up the comprehensive training with my mind, body and soul.

The workshop started on Thursday evening and concluded on Sunday afternoon when our shuttle took us back to the Chicago airport. That is when it hit me. I remember looking out of the large motor coach window and feeling as though I were in another world. I am a near-sighted person for whom distant details are not always the clearest. Yet, I was seeing the landscape in HD. The colors were rich and it was as though the vistas were alive – pulsing with energy. I don’t recall interacting with the other students on the drive. This initial phase had me feeling as if I were in a bubble.

After about an hour, we arrived at the O’Hare Airport in Chicago. Now let me set this up for you. It was November 2001, just two months after 9-11 (in fact it was November 11, exactly two months after the tragedy). So, as you can imagine, the lines were long – I mean long. And the people were impatient and hostile. The sympathy and the camaraderie connected with our nation’s trauma had definitely dissipated.

For me it was another story. The admiration that I had for the rural landscape had somehow transferred to the environment inside the airport. I felt connected, dedicated and full of love for everyone I encountered. The thing that I most remember was the eye contact I sought. I was not intimidated by anyone. For my effort, I was usually rewarded with a small smile or a surprised glance as I intertwined with the lines and lines of people walking in an endless queue.

Finally on the plane, there was a collective sigh. Yet, the waiting was not finished as the captain began to issue reports that we were 30th in line, 20th in line…this continued until we were detained on the runway for an hour or more. When the reality hit that connections would be missed, people started getting nervous and tensions grew. Many wanted to reach out to their families but due to dead or non-existent cell phones (this was 17 years ago), they were unable to communicate. My phone was fully charged and I felt compelled to pass it around to everyone who needed it. It was my pleasure. I never experienced one iota of selfishness or worry. What was mine was theirs. This giving spirit tranquilized some of the inflamed passengers and a new, more uplifting vibe began to circulate.

I was returning back to Texas to see my two young daughters and husband. I was excited to reunite. But I never expected what I encountered. As I came out of security, a bit tired but still floating on my cloud of illumination, I saw my family. Now remember, all throughout that 8-10 hour day, I had experienced an unusual tenderness for complete strangers. So, it is tough to describe how I felt seeing the faces of my loved ones. But one word still comes to mind as I reflect on that event. Beauty. I saw genuine beauty. And love. A profound love that filled me with extreme happiness. I wasn’t just glad to see them again, it was as though I was perceiving them for the first time and they were resplendent.

Of course, this feeling of elation and bliss eventually receded. The joys of parenting took over and my enlightenment or period of samadhi dissolved to pave the way for a householder’s reality. I tried to get it back. But I guess the conditions were perfect for that one true experience.

During that time, and for a significant period, my crown was open and I was truly a part of the whole.  I was acting in pure compassion and encountering the authentic nature of things – the way we were meant to see.

I’d like to share this mantra that harkens back to that amazing experience.

Lokah  Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu

May all beings everywhere be happy and free and may the thoughts, works and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all.

Namasté nature-670025__180

2 thoughts on “How I Became Part of the Whole

  1. Lorraine

    Hi Kim,
    What an amazing experience! Just reading it makes me feel lighter and relaxed after a hectic walk with our 7 month old lab puppy in a wind storm! Thank you so much for sharing it exactly when I needed to hear it!!!

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